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Title: Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together
ISBN: 1560254521
Author:
Robert A. Bernstein
Publicate Date: 2003-06-25
Publish: 2003-06-25
List Price: $14.95
Average Customer Rating: 4.0
Format: Paperback
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Amazon Lowest New Price: $3.03
Amazon Lowest Used Price: $2.43
Amazon Merchant Price: $10.76
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| Customer Review: |
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1: Straight Parents-Gay Children
Bought this book for a friend of mine. She reported it to be helpful. I perused it prior to giving it to here and found it very interesting
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2: An honest opinion
This book leans a lot toward the gay and lesbian agenda and it's not what I was initially looking for. However, it certainly shows a different perspective on homosexuality.
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3: Good if you want a pro gay perspective
This book was recomended to me by my pastor, but not as an acceptable point of view. It has good advice as far as how your gay child sees the world, and how to start a dialog if you have lost communication with them, but is is not written from a Christian Theological viewpoint. The theme of this book is "it's ok to be gay". I believe that we need to love gay people just like we love others with sexual perversions. I don't hate someone who is addicted to porn, but I do tell them that it is wrong in God's eyes and bad for them. I get the feeling that this author would say "support your friend, join a porno support group, and tell them it's ok to like porn even if it's not what you like." I would not agree with this.
I don't think it's ok to be gay, but I do love my child. There are much better books to help you help your gay child. Read anything by Joe Dallas.
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4: Understanding and accepting your gay child
The 30th anniversary of PFLAG is a fitting time for this updated edition. Former national vice president of PFLAG, Robert Bernstein has chronicled not only his own journey to acceptance and support of his lesbian daughter, but also the founding and continuing growth of PFLAG.
Moving stories of the founders and leaders of PFLAG blend with Bernstein's story. These tales underline the ability of loving parents to work together toward acceptance of their children's differences. Following their initial shock, guilt, and grief, all these parents have found their way to acceptance and respect for their special children. Their realization that this is still the child they love is the first great step. Most have gone on from this stage to help and support other parents through their early traumas and into the light and joy of truly sharing their children's lives. PFLAG plays a major role in all their lives. Many have become staunch advocates for equality and acceptance of their own and all other such children into the larger community.
Straight Parents, Gay Children includes stories of celebrities, politicians (even the Vice President of the US), and religious leaders of many faiths who have faced and accepted homosexuality for themselves or within their families. These highly visible community and national leaders stand in strong contrast to the homophobia and hatred so apparent in the public proclamations of other church and political leaders. A new chapter in this edition is devoted to these celebrities and other leaders.
Toward the end of the book is a "Survival Guide." It debunks the concept of guilt - that the parents "did something wrong" to make their child homosexual. This chapter presents arguments to overcome the shame and anger that usually erupt shortly after your child's announcement "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." You are led toward understanding and respect for your courageous child. And, if you are willing, you are led to publicly support not only your own child, but all who are subjected to marginalization due to their sexual or gender diversity.
Another new chapter in this edition, "Family Values," discusses gay and lesbian parenting. In "The Unreliability of Stereotypes," Bernstein discusses common stereotypes of policing, professional sports, and politics - where they are "...unmasked as, well, fairy tales."
As author Bernstein points out, "If you have a gay child, you are in the very best of company."
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5: Great for parents who want enlightenment
And that's the problem with this book, if it's not read within its parameters. Robert A. Bernstein, inspired to write his book after his teenage daughter came out as a lesbian, has some wonderful examples of parental support of gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered children, and support for parents is the reason for the book. And the history of the parental group (P-FLAG) of such children is intriguing and informative. Certainly, just as gay and lesbian children need the support of their families, so their parents need their unique support systems. Unfortunately, parents who reject not only their childrens' "alternate" lifestyles but their children in whole, aren't likely to read Bernstein's book simply because they probably don't want to understand what they disdain for whatever reason. The real-life parent-child relationships posited here are wonderful, and it would be truly magnificent if all parent-child relationships could be as they are here. Additionally, the children in this book are older, not necessarily pre- and teenagers, thus exluding the parents of these age-specific issues. Further, many of the children cited here are usually on track toward personal and professional fulfillment, quite likely partly because of their parents' support. Unfortunately, a great many others, if not more, have either been fully abandoned by their parents and family or, if they haven't, don't have what could qualify as anything nearing a healthy relationship with their parents. By its title, Bernstein's novel is directed toward parents, and certainly they need support just as much as their children. But to conclude that all gay and lesbian children have their families' unconditional love and support would be a tragic mistake. Unfortunately, all too many parents, presumably affected by the fears and prejudices of homophobia, will likely never accept their childrens' alternative choices and will never have a need for a book like this. But for those parents who do, Bernstein's work is a wonderful beginning toward understanding.
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