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Title: Expecting Adam: A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic
ISBN: 0812929802
Author:
Martha Beck
Publicate Date: 1999-01-19
Publish: 1999-01-19
List Price: $23.95
Average Customer Rating: 4.5
Format: Hardcover
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Amazon Lowest New Price: $6.99
Amazon Lowest Used Price: $0.62
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1: A wonderful book -- no matter how much of it is factual.
I picked up "Expecting Adam" thinking it would be a quick and mildly enjoyable read, something I might enjoy for the subject matter but not much else.
I was very pleasantly surprised, then, when I started reading and became quite emotionally involved in the story. Maybe it's just because I'm four months pregnant, but I found Martha and John's semi-mystical attachment to their son and their decision to keep him deeply affecting.
Without becoming a diatribe on one side or the other of the culture wars, "Expecting Adam" delves humanly and personally into the way our society views and treats those it views as imperfect or "damaged."
Although I read many other reviews questioning Beck's sanity and veracity in recounting events, and some even lambasting the novel's sentiment as fake in light of Martha and John's subsequent divorce, I think these criticisms miss the mark.
Spiritual and religious experiences are not as rare and explicitly supernatural as some would think, but even if Beck were crazy, the book is still lovely. As to its accuracy, again -- I think it's value, for me, was not in the accuracy of its facts but in its emotional truth. And as for John and Martha's divorce, all I can say is that these are real people -- their lives don't even with the book, and their lives won't be as neat or predictable or apparently cohesive as characters in a work of fiction.
All in all, you should probably read this book not for an accurate portrayal of the Harvard community in the late '80s, or a perfectly objective recount of events, or even for what it's like to raise a child with Down's. Read the book for Beck's story and the heartrending -- I mean that positively! -- way her life changes during her pregnancy with Adam.
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2: Loved/Love this Book
This book is beautiful, funny and absolutely moving. Martha Beck's writing really touches me. I found myself drawn to the unfolding events in the book. What a gift! What a journey!
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3: Lovely and Strange
Expecting Adam is Martha Beck's engrossing memoir of her pregnancy with her second child, who has Down syndrome. She and her husband, John, both Ph.D. students at Harvard, decide to keep the baby, for reasons they can't at first articulate, and even though doing so goes against most of the values of their Ivy League community.
During the pregnancy, Martha and John experience deep transformations of their worldviews, values, and ambitions. Each also has numerous spiritual and paranormal experiences which they understand to be connected to their unborn child. Most of these experiences are so strange that for many months Martha and John don't even confide in each other.
The Harvard community Martha paints is bleak. Intellectual prestige and appearance are the supreme values. "Knowing a great deal is the norm and knowing everything is the goal, [but] appearing to know everything is considered an acceptable substitute." In order to survive in this culture, Martha consciously calls up a sort of alter ego, named Fang, before every visit to campus. Fang is fearless, aggressive, disdainful, and competitive.
Martha also paints a less than sympathetic view of the passionate feminists who apparently exist in large numbers at Harvard. After one public bout of morning sickness, Martha is approached by one such feminist, a stranger, who says, "I think it's time you stop kissing up to the enemy... This crap about -- what do they call it? -- morning sickness. You know it isn't real... All of those myths were made up to justify denying women access to decent jobs and positions in society... I don't care if you think you can help it or not... It makes us all look bad... Just stop it."
With the exception of a few amazingly supportive friends, this is the context and community in which Martha and John learn that the baby they are expecting has Down syndrome. Their community is often intolerant of healthy pregnancies, not to mention unhealthy ones. The Beck's are pressured on every side to abort -- by fellow grad students, professors, advisors, colleagues and medical professionals. Not to do so is considered both foolish and irresponsible.
These pressures are intensified by Martha's nearly constant "morning sickness" (actually an autoimmune disease not diagnosed until many years later), John's frequent absences due to consulting assignments in Asia, and the anxieties they both have about raising a mentally impaired child.
Martha and John find reassurance and strength in strange places. This is where the spiritual and paranormal experiences come in. They have visions, sometimes even "seeing" each other across continents. And they frequently sense the presence of spiritual beings who they believe speak to them, give them peace, orchestrate events in their favor, and in at least two instances save Martha from grave physical danger.
The ending of the story is never in doubt. Throughout her memoir Martha intersperses chapters about Adam after he is born. He is a beautiful child.
This book was an easy and engrossing read. I particularly enjoyed Martha's and John's transformation from a thin existence characterized by mindless striving, excessive individualism, emotional hunger, and disbelief in all things spiritual, to a thicker existence that was more human and allowed for (in fact, could not deny) a spiritual dimension to life.
I also appreciated Martha's instinctive sense of the vulnerability and humanity of her unborn child. At one point she describes an exchange between herself and her obstetrician, who pressures her to terminate her pregnancy:
"'I would not make the choice that you have made,' he went on steadily. 'I have never known anyone who would.' ...
'I don't know,' I mumbled. 'I guess I just... can't reject him.' It was a miserably inadequate statement. My real feeling, the one I couldn't articulate yet, was that my entire life hinged on knowing that there were people who would continue to love me unconditionally, even if I were damaged, even if I were sick. Such love was the only thing that had sustained me during the turmoil of the past months. If I eliminated my child because of his disability, if I put him out of my life, I would be violating the only thing that was keeping me alive. I'd be ripping the rug out from under my own feet."
In addition, I was touched by Martha's descriptions of life with Adam and the insights she gained because of him. For example: "I was afraid Adam would slow me down, and he has. Not because he has required more care and time than a 'normal' boy (he is the most helpful and least demanding of my children) but because the immediacy and joy with which he lives his life make rapacious achievement, Harvard-style, look a lot like quiet desperation." Another example: "[Adam] has taught me to look at things in themselves, not at the value a brutal and often senseless world assigns to them. As Adam's mother I have been able to see quite clearly that he is no less beautiful for being called ugly, no less wise for appearing dull, no less precious for being seen as worthless. And neither am I. Neither are you. Neither is any of us."
I had a few disappointments with the book. First, I grew tired of reading about Martha's sickness and her seeming neglect of her own medical needs. I began to wonder how, if she was so sick, she kept up with her doctoral studies, mothered her two-year-old daughter, and kept the voluminous journal that she said she relied on to write her memoir more than 10 years after the fact.
I was also disappointed by Martha's misunderstanding of, and opposition to, the pro-life movement, notwithstanding her own profound experiences. She expresses puzzlement that religious people who possess "a devout belief in the life of the spirit" and a "belief that life exists outside of mortal bounds" are the same people who are "so obsessed with a fetus's 'right to life' on this messy little planet." What she doesn't understand is that such people (I include myself) are not devoted to some belief about the nature of spiritual life, but to God himself, the Author of life, who creates humans in his own image. Because he is the Author, that life is sacred and created for his purposes, not our own.
I also found myself wanting to better understand Martha's and John's spiritual experiences. I hoped that these obviously significant experiences would lead somewhere coherent. But Martha and John seemed content not to question, categorize, or define their experiences. Martha simply called the visions the "Seeing Thing" and the spiritual beings the "Bunraku puppeteers" (after a Japanese puppet show). Perhaps their attitude is understandable in view of the highly structured Mormon faith in which they each were raised and each abandoned. Nevertheless, their spirituality seems to turn into a free floating, New Age-ish, therapeutic sort of thing. When they conceived Adam, it was as if a door cracked open providing a way out of a harsh philosophic reductionism, but the door never leads anywhere coherent.
Lastly, as I hinted above, I had some doubts about the author's credibility. I wondered how a memoir like this, chock-full of details and verbatim dialogues, could be written so many years after the fact, even with the aid of a journal. I also began to wonder if Martha was prone to exaggeration and caricature. And I questioned the sheer number of strange voices, visions, presences, and events that she describes. After reading the book, I found some biographical information about Martha that, unfortunately, only added to my doubts about her credibility.
Nevertheless, this story was engrossing, moving, and enjoyable.
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4: More on Fake Memoirs
This book was recommended by a writer-friend saying it was well written and an interesting read. I was sucked in by the writer for a few pages, but then decided to start listing all the inconsistencies and reality-defying events. By page 95, where I am now, I have 10 major ones listed. Then I remembered the lately discussion about Fake Memoirs and thought, hey lets see what the reviewers on Amazon say. I'm surprised at the large number of reviewers who believe this stuff actually happened as written. She might have gone to Harvard and might have a Down's syndrome kid, but after that, it pure fiction. Try imagine writing about what you had in the refrigerator on day 26 of vomiting 10 years later. But you have to give Ms. Beck credit for a vivid imagination; similar to a paranoid-compulsive nephew I know who can make up the most compelling fictitious event scenarios; way better than I can.
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5: A compelling "different" kinda memoir
I was primed for this book. Our third grandson, Adam, had just been born (August 5), when I visited a bookstore just down the street from the hospital. So the title, Expecting Adam, quite naturally practically leapt off the shelf into my hands. I originally thought, what a great gift for my daughter (the new mother), but when I read it was a story about having a child with Down Syndrome, I reconsidered. Our particular Adam, although a few weeks premature, seemed pretty much perfect, and I didn't want to needlessly upset the new mom. I needn't have worried. This is an absolutely wonderful book, told with humor, compassion, wit, wisdom and a nearly other-worldy sense of wonder. And did I mention humor? Because this woman is a very funny writer. The numerous references to invisible beings, whether she calls them angels or Bunraku puppeteers, and intercontinental telepathy are the kind of thing that would normally put me off, as I am a natural skeptic. But somehow Beck pulls it off. Probably because she believes it, she makes me believe it too - all of it. My wife wants to read it now. (She'd seen Martha Beck on Oprah some time ago, she tells me.) We will then pass the book along to our daughter to read. We know she will relate, and probably cry a little, when she reads Beck's perfect descriptions of a tiny foot the size of a man's thumb and a head the size of an orange. Babies. Ain't they just the grandest things?! I'll say it again. This is a wonderful book. - Tim Bazzett, author of the ReedCityBoy trilogy
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