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Title: Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy
ISBN: 0385494653
Author:
Shmuley Boteach
Publicate Date: 1999-03-09
Publish: 1999-03-09
List Price: $19.95
Average Customer Rating: 4.5
Format: Hardcover
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Amazon Lowest New Price: $8.00
Amazon Lowest Used Price: $2.26
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1: disappointing
i am a huge fan of the Rabbi but i felt let down and even somewhat betrayed by this book. the notion that one should STAY with an abusive man b/c one is married to him i find repugnant. verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, it matters not. and the devastating effects this will have on your child is most certainly of dire consequence. the Rabbi paeans for a time when all marriages are perfect fairy tales, for when his own parents were not divorced, and wistfully describes the idealization of having a united family--WITH NO IDEA OF WHAT IT IS LIKE to live in a violent, terrifying home watching one parent abuse another or both your parents abuse each other... the horror of listening to the screaming fights, the foul and filthy unholy language, the terrifying threats, the destructive criticism, the shame of bearing your secret and not being able to let other children play at your house or your teachers know how you live... not to mention the total lack of empathy for you, the child, or hope coming from either one the two most important role models in your life--your own mother and father-- is never mentioned. instead, women are ENCOURAGED to wait out an abusive man to "prove" their loyalty--and i suppose men in this situation are to do likewise. i wonder if schmuley would ever have BECOME a Rabbi if he had been forced to endure this type of family home and his parents had not had the wisdom to divorce one another and spare their child this torture. most children, esp. boys, who witness parental abuse remodel it in their own marriages. and he has the nerve to advocate indulging a bully or a loveless, absent spouse. i cannot abide by this. divorce is certainly not a wonderful invention, but to any terrified child who kneeled on their parents' kitchen floor and prayed for them to leave one another as the dishes flew and broke around their heads and the screaming escalated to the point that neighbors called the authorities i say FOR SHAME. this type of black and white thinking keeps our society in the dark ages and does UNTOLD DAMAGE. i loved the TLC documentary series "shalom in the home", i have enjoyed the author's other books, and i have great respect for my religious leaders, but i felt abandoned and betrayed by this advice. no person should endure an unloving, empty relationship just b/c they made a mistake in selecting a mate. ridiculous.
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2: Stimulating, Moving -this book brings us back to Precious Values
The Truth: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything
As a positive psychologist extremely concerned with both the development of good values and also the preservation of strong self-esteem in each of us, I have to say I loved this book. I think it elevated intimacy in a way that adults, both Jewish and non-Jewish can really understand. And once you understand the sense of elevating ourselves in the most intimate parts of adult living, than it is also easier to begin to understand taking the time to elevate oneself in all areas of life. This book is an easy, but powerful read. Read it for yourself, your spouse and for creating a better and holier world for your kids.
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3: utter hypocrisy (as if we are surprised!)
The rabbi's pose is transparently hypocritical because Judaism's "holiest" book, the Talmud, teaches misogyny, the fundamental "orthodox" Judaic doctrine about women:
"Though a woman be as a pitcher full of filth and her mouth be full of blood, yet all speed after her." ---Talmud, Shabbat 152b
and also, "...a man may do whatever he pleases with his wife at intercourse: Meat which comes from the abbatoir may be eaten salted, roasted, cooked or seethed; so with fish from the fishmonger.... A woman came before Rab and complained [of her husband's sodomy with her], "Rabbi replied: 'Wherein does it differ from fish?" ---Talmud, Nedarim 20b, Soncino edition, p.58
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4: Will change your life
Rabbi Boteach takes a wonderful enlightened approach to this very sensitive subject. Beautifully written work with excellent sources, well documented and builds a terrific case. Having read his book, it has changed my relationship with my wife of 20 years, this is really great, wish I would have read this earlier. I passed it on to each of my teenage children as a must read.
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5: "Kosher" sex is about motions that produce strong emotions...
I can't believe how long it took me to finally get around to reading this superb book (is there a ranking higher than five stars). On a semi-long flight, I'd almost finished it off in one sitting, but I hesitated, not wanting to gobble it up in one go. It was precious, meant to be savoured, and absorbed very slowly into the bloodstream.
I'd been meaning to read Rabbi Boteach's books for over five years now, ever since I heard Rabbi Boteach go toe-to-toe intellectually with Larry King (someone else whom I respect highly). Despite the long wait, I wasn't disappointed.
Look, again (as I've said in numerous other spots in my Reviews), I'm not going to tell you what's inside this book. I don't have to, seeing as I'm positive the countless other reviews which you can find here under this listing describe the outline of this book thoroughly, and people have gone into the specifics of what to find inside. I don't wish to repeat what may already be here, and I imagine that I won't do as good of a job as they have -- admittedly, I haven't had a chance to read all of the reviews either. I'm going to laud the high quality of the reviews which I generally find here, and make the necessary presumption.
I think all of us who pick up books like KOSHER SEX are essentially seeking answers. Answers to the things which may have troubled us with our relationships in the past, and we're seeking advice on how to place less of a personal emphasis on meaningless sexual encounters, or the constant state of one-upmanship we play with ourselves in our minds, rationalizing the corrosive things we might do sexually. We need to begin to see the harm it inevitably causes us, our selves, and Boteach points out a way. Not *the* way, but *a* way.
I had many blessed "eureka" moments in reading his narrative, when my simply jaw dropped, saying things aloud like: "That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!" or "So I'm *not* the only person who feels this way?!" Reassuring in the extreme...
Ultimately, my aim has been to learn to become a better father, husand, lover, and partner. While there isn't ONE single book that encapsulates the skills required to do so, I'd have to say in the breadth of titles I've already read on the subject (Jewish, non-Jewish, and everything else in between), this one ranks rather highly up there. In a nation (the US) which seems to pride itself on its soaring (over 50%) divorce rate, books like Boteach's just *scream* out to be read. There is something dreadfully wrong in society in which sexuality is a commodity, and in which -- as Boteach notes -- there is little difference today between the genders which essentially levels the playing field (one advantage), but to the deteriment of the family unit (an even greater disadvantage).
I found myself dog-earing pages and note-taking during my read, something I generally avoid doing as it disrupts my flow. But like I said, Boteach's lines just pulled me in.
Five-stars. Because of this, I'd now like to read the rest of Boteach's books. The time has come.
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