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Title: How Good Do We Have to Be?: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness
ISBN: 0316507415
Author:
Harold S. Kushner
Publicate Date: 1996-09
Publish: 1996-09
List Price: $21.95
Average Customer Rating: 4.5
Format: Hardcover
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Amazon Lowest New Price: $0.50
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1: How Good Do We Have to Be?: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness
Good read and intersting philosphy. Book arrived in condition described. Am pleased with this purchase. Thank you.
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2: How Good DO We Have To be? A New Understanding of guilt and Forgiveness
This was all I had hoped it would be. It was received in good condition and in a timely manner
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3: something inspirational for everyone
Review of How Good Do We Have To Be: A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness by Harold S. Kushner. Little, Brown, & Company, 1996. Hardcover.
Harold Kushner draws on his experience as a husband, father, and rabbi to explain the complex human condition: "The challenge of being human is so great that no one gets it right every time." Therefore, we experience (or anticipate) guilt, the wheel that steers our sense of right and wrong (if one is not a psychopath without conscience). Humans cannot always control events and consequences and make everything right. Paraphrasing Kushner, no matter how perfect we try to be, when something goes wrong, the "if onlys" serve only to needlessly hit our heads against the wall in self-recrimination and self-destruction.
What if we suffer from pervasive guilt for no real reason? What if our religion caused us to feel guilty because we were told that we were born with "original sin?" Kushner states: "Religion properly understood is the cure for feelings of guilt and shame, not their cause." Kushner says that religions may have been "holding up ideals against which we can measure ourselves." But how can religion (and only religion?) be the cure for guilt and shame? What if someone is not religious? Does that mean that there is no cure? What is Kushner's definition of religion?
Kushner describes religion as "the voice that says I will guide you through this minefield of difficult moral choices, sharing with you the insights and experiences of the greatest souls of the past, and I will offer you comfort and forgiveness when you are troubled by the painful choices you made." That's not the religion I grew up with. My religious leaders taught me that I was a heretic without hope of redemption. Also, who determines what constitutes the greatest souls?
Kushner explains another avenue to alleviating guilt: "If the essence of guilt is the feeling that `I am a bad person and I don't deserve to be loved because of what I have done,' we can neutralize that feeling by reassuring the people that we do in fact care about them not only because we are emotionally generous, caring people but because they genuinely deserve to be loved." Call me cynical, but I hope we can accomplish this in our fault-finding, victim-blaming, responsibility-abdicating society. On the sweeter side, Kushner offers a reassuring chapter: "God Loves You Anyway."
Kushner discusses the concept of working off guilt. In his case study, the guilty party is encouraged to give a "significant part of that fortune to a worthy cause." Money changes everything? By the way, how much for redemption?
Chapter 5 is titled "Choosing Happiness Over Righteousness," Kushner writes (in regards to heterosexual married couples, his comfort zone) "the fulfillment of being a pair, two souls combining to form a single complete being." In my opinion and belief, two souls are individual, and do not and cannot form a single complete being. Each soul is whole and complete in and of itself. I prefer Kahlil Gibran's version on being a pair in The Prophet:"Let there be spaces in your togetherness. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls." In keeping with the subtitle of his book (on forgiveness) Kushner writes: "Mature marital love sees faults clearly and forgives them, understanding that there are no perfect people, that we don't have to pretend perfection, and that an imperfect spouse is all that an imperfect person like us can aspire to."
So, with careful reading, I learned that religion is not the only cure for guilt. If, as the last paragraph of the book states, "we are brave enough to love, strong enough to forgive, generous enough to rejoice in another's happiness, wise enough to know there is enough love to go around for us all..." then perhaps we can manage, alleviate, or by miracle of God and/or Mother Nature, learn to live with guilt and find forgiveness for ourselves and others.
review by Lynn C. Tolson
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4: Interesting Perspective
Rabbi Kushner is a very thoughtful man with a great ability to bring religious insight to the average person. I think this book is excelllent for anyone, regardless of one's religious background.
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5: Compassion As Motivation
Ever read the Bible and wonder what was going through Abraham's mind when he put his son on the altar? Well, after reading this book I've been looking at Abraham in a differnt light. I've also found a renewed interest in the Old Testament and Ingmar Bergman's "Winter Light." If you're wondering what one has to do with the other, pick up this book. Kushner will have you looking at things differently and thinking about everything. It is surprisingly easy to read yet loaded with words of wisdom. Usually found in the self-help section, this inspirational work will help you through pangs of guilt and inspire you to forgive and forget.
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