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Title: The Mom Factor
ISBN: 0310225590
Author:
John Townsend
Henry Cloud
John Sims Townsend
Publicate Date: 1998-10-01
Publish: 1998-10-01
List Price: $12.99
Average Customer Rating: 4.0
Format: Paperback
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Amazon Lowest New Price: $5.95
Amazon Lowest Used Price: $3.93
Amazon Merchant Price: $10.39
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| Customer Review: |
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1: some good ideas and insight
I read this book primarily to study and implement what was written about "The Phantom Mom". The information was satisfactory and insightful, but I thought that perhaps more could be said about the solution phase or implementing the plans of action. The symptoms the authors gave were spot on. I grew up without a mother and the symptoms of having a phantom mom were so fitting that it looked like I was reading my life story. Basically, the only solution the authors suggest is to seek out friends who have what one has missed growing up without a mother. It's overly simplified because as was mentioned in the book people like me who've grown up without a mom have severe relational problems. What I think should have been emphasized about the phantom mom offspring is that we should practice eliciting what we want from others more (i.e. warmth and empathy, nonintrusiveness, mutual dependency, honesty).
Overall, it's a good book and if one has intentions on working hard to transform themselves then it can work but don't expect change to happen overnight nor should you just use this book as the only reference.
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2: not so sure
At first I was excited about this book. Now, I am not so sure. I think they are ignoring the cultural bias we have in america towards independence from family. Their work does not seem to be based on clinical research, but just experience in therapy. Many of the outcomes are the same.... anxiety, depression. There are many reasons for one to experience such difficulties, not just mom. The book contributes to the mom bashing we already hear about in therapy. It does call for some responsibility on the reader's part to change, but not enough. Aren't we supposed to honor our parents? They do not operate in a vacuum. We helped create our own existence. Wondering how biblical this book is really.... It really is just a pop psychology book with little substance to back it. It may be helpful for some self awareness, but like I said.... not so sure.
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3: Its alright
I think this book will be great for some people, but it really didn't help me all that much. The different mothers hardly applied to my situation with my own mother. The controlling chapter fit a little bit, but all it talked about was "learning to say no" and finding your identity. I was the one who rebelled, and I held onto my identity very well. The mothers in this book were much more loving than mine was. It would have been nice if they talked about mothers who were verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Where's the "Bi-Polar Mom" in this book?? From a real young age (around 7) I teamed up with God determined to turn out just fine. I even grew up setting my own boundries & parented myself (ex: I wouldn't allow myself to see PG13 movies until I was 13... my mom however could have cared less). I read this in attempt to understand why my mother does the things she does. I've tried to reconcile with my mother, but she refuses to have a relationship with me at all. My mother has resented me since childhood, and even now shes in an imaginary war with me. I'll probably give the book to one of my friends or sell it to half-price books.
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4: Understand your mom, and yourself as a mom!
I picked up this book to help me deal with my elderly mother. I had an abusive upbringing and need to come to terms with it. This book was awesome! It doesn't blame the mother at all, but gives help to the adult child on how to compensate for what mom didn't have to give. It was also invaluable to me to see mistakes I am making with my own children, and how to correct them. I will say, the book does get pretty deep into psychology...some parts are a difficult read.
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5: This Book Will Change Your Life!
For so long I've mostly heard about how important a father is in a child's development. I've never heard anyone else speak about how profound the mother's role is in the child's devlopment like this book does. I feel like I've gone to the eye doctor and have been given new glasses to see more clearly with. I think this book is core reading for anybody who wants to understand why they are the way they are. Like the back cover of the book says, "She shaped you in ways that would surprise you both."
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